The curious case of Yuri Lowell
by Felinis
Summary: Yuri Lowell seems to have snapped and it's up to a very annoyed and frankly completely apathetic investigator to figure this out what has happened. If Yuri Lowell can be saved or if he needs to be locked up in some sort of looney bin.
1. Chapter 1

**felinis:** **...I wanted to try writing spoopy... But I've actually never done this and I have no idea what i'm doing so... let's just see it how goes...**

Something had happened to him- Yuri Lowell- I mean. Something. Just something. The man who helped save the world and the founder of Brave Vesperia an up and coming guild that had taken the world by storm in the past five years was found muttering to himself inanely in a closet screaming at us to stay away.

God, he must have gone crazy from something. It took a lot of effort to wrestle him out and I still have a bruised nose over the matter. Friends kept saying they'd been noticing it for months and were worried, but wasn't much they could do. Said the real tell that something was wrong was when during a sparring match Yuri apparently tried to kill the guild leader Karol. Said he started screaming.

There were other signs too.

"He refuses to go in the bathroom or even get near water." The spearwoman, Judith had said and man was she pretty. Real looker that one. "Actually, he kept yelling at me to replace all the silverware with wood. We did just so he would eat, but he still stayed out of the kitchen."

Yeah, we were noting similar trends too. We had him chained down to a hospital bed with some handcuffs and the guy screamed at us to get him away from the window. Now, really, I'm not sure what the guys deal is but I know that it is, unfortunately, my job to sit down with him and deal with this broken fucker.

Oh yeah, allow me to introduce myself.

Name is Lauralynne Kurchif and I work as well… I guess the closest thing Dahngrest has to an organized police force like the empire's knights. I'm also in charge of specifically dealing with the nut cases. It's annoying really because I never signed up for this shit I just kinda wound up working here after every other job I had gone belly up. Apparently, my ability to just listen and not give a shit ends up being an asset somehow…

I never said we were good at our job.

But here I am looking at Yuri fucking Lowell in the flesh and god is it a creepy ass sight. I dunno, the way he's always talked about you always expect him to look less gangly but I've been told this is new. Or at least since he's started having these issues his body has become pretty gaunt and he's got circles under his eyes that rival my own. I know he's awake and has been all morning, but he won't open his eyes won't even breath in my direction and ya know it's rude.

"So, Yuri, can you tell me what's wrong? Your friends are worried about you ya know?"

He lifts a finger to his lips and shushes me softly as he points subtly at the window. Fucking crazies. There is nothing outside the window, but a goddamn window, but for some reason, this guy keeps acting like there's a monster out there.

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me. You can tell me."

The next thing he said was the only coherent sentence I'd heard from him ever since detaining him a week ago. "Could please just stab my eyes out. It won't fix it, but it'll shut it up long enough for me to tell you."

"Yuri ya don't need ta cause yourself self-harm to fix this kind of problem. You're in control of this." He just broke into sobs after that and tried to gouge his eyes out while the nurses shot him up full of morphine. You see a lot of fucked up fruitcakes in my job, but man this guy took the cake.

Now here's the thing about what I do, I'm not a psychologist. I don't fix people. I look at em long enough for me to write a report to my boss saying things like 'this one needs the looney bin' or 'eh give this guy another chance on the street before we lock them up. It's standard here… Healthcare is actually pretty shitty in this city all around.

So really, I don't need to help fix Yuri Lowell and despite his reputation, I don't really care enough to. I miss blastia. Hell, I was going to be mage before all this shit went down, but now there's no magic and the only job I can seem to manage is this shit gig.

I decided to smoke outside while mulling it over. Could just toss him in a cell and say no hope 'n shit but I doubt that's gonna fly… Not with his reputation. Imagine being the one who locked Yuri Lowell up in the looney bin- uck- my career would be over and most likely fired despite the necessity. I know because that nut case Zagi was actually brought in to be locked up several times, but for some fucking reason the guild threw such a bitch fit I was required to let a psychopath go. No, I gotta actually fix this or at least prove he's worth committing… Which means I gotta hunt down some information that I normally wouldn't bother with.

 _Interview With Karol Capel_

I can never get over how young this kid is. Like this kid is eighteen or whatever and he's already been running a guild for five years. It's fucking wild. When I was eighteen, I was still working in my parent's tannery and this kid runs a guild.

I really didn't ask much first time around. Just the usual anything particularly noteworthy kind of questions. Didn't care much since I wasn't actually expecting to be in charge of this matter. Karma's a bitch.

Sitting comfortably in the guild office, I tapped my pen back and forth as we got ready to get the ball rolling.

"What do you wanna know?" He said, clasping his hands together.

"I know it is hard ta say, but when do you think this whole mess started?" I asked, leaning back and watching the gears turn in his head. It was slow and there was an obvious sense of digging in the kid's brain as he looked for the words to describe how it all peaked in what was this mess. I told him not to rush because thoughts like this take time.

Karol kept fidgeting and rubbing his arms before seeming to settle, "Really I should have noticed it sooner and gotten help. I'm not sure when but the signs were there for almost half a year. It was just little things ya know." He decided to busy his hand by gliding his fingers over the grain of the desk.

"You gotta understand Yuri's not the type to ever mention anything is wrong with him till he's half-dead on the ground bleeding internally and also running a 102. The fucking idiot…" From the tone of his voice, I could tell he was actually speaking from experience. "So he'd never tell us and he always makes a point of hiding this stuff cause that's how he is. But, it didn't stop me from noticing that he wasn't sleeping or that for some reason he always ran out of the bathroom. Blacked out all the windows in his apartment…"

"He tried ta kill ya right?"

"Yeah… we- I was afraid to get help. I figured I could handle this along with the rest of the guild. That Yuri's resolve would pull out a miracle for us and we wouldn't have to look at it. I know what we did was irresponsible, but you can understand, right? Dahngrest mental health care is bullshit and the empire's ain't much better!"

"I wanted my brother back. That's all…"

"Why didn't you get help after he tried to kill ya?"

Karol slammed his hands on the desk yanking himself up to look me straight in the eyes inches from my face, "You know why! Yuri didn't mean to hurt me and I know it! It's just part of whatever is making him sick."

I let out a nervous sigh, "Still doesn't mean he didn't do it in the first place. Look tell me about that then let's get back to talking about when you think it started. Like any events you think caused it."

Karol slowly deflated and leaned back in his chair, looking closer to a small child than a young man. Poor kid. "We were play sparing and I think that was three, maybe four months into all this-anyway- we do it all the time and I just remember that I turned around to pull out some water bottles while we took our break and Yuri just started laughing.

He almost cut my head clean off, but thankfully the laughing tipped me off…

If he hadn't been laughing, I wouldn't have realized how fucked his head seemed to be. It was such a weird laugh… like… like he was trying to so hard to keep himself from talking or crying. Like he was fighting his own lips to get them closed."

"Was he moving like Yuri?" I asked and watched Karol scrunch his nose.

"No." He shook his head. "Not in the slightest. Everything about his movements was- it was… it was like- uh, clumsy and his muscles were so tense. Also, I don't think he actually looked at me directly the entire time."

"Directly?"

"He just kept staring at his sword till I knocked it out of his grip. Wouldn't touch it after that. I think that's when he just spiraled out of control. Stopped showing up, and if he did he just looked nervous. Like he was waiting for something to jump out and tackle him to the ground."

"But when do you think this really started?"

It was a long pause before Karol answered. "I'd say probably after the camping trip he had with Flynn. But, that's it."

I thanked him for his time and made a point of asking Yuri about this later. For now, it's been a long and tiring day and I feel like drinking myself stupid on cupcake flavored potato water.

Vodka. I plan on drinking myself to sleep on vodka. In case that wasn't obvious…

I jiggled the door of my shitty apartment on the west side of town and kicked the door shut behind me before going to my cabinet and pulling out one of eight bottles… Hey, everyone has their hobbies. The lights are off the bottle is uncapped and I sit on an old tattered couch waiting to drift to sleep so I can get back to work on figuring out what the hell happened to Yuri Lowell.


	2. Chapter 2

**fel:** **I feel like short chapters will work best for this story...**

So… um, went to go check in on the patient and did you know that Yuri apparently knows how to dislocate his wrists and bend his way out of a pair of handcuffs? Because I didn't. I got in and was told that after a nurse came to check on Yuri and give him his breakfast, he jumped her and slammed her against the wall till he left a stain before apparently snapping out of and screaming. The hospital staff detained him, but well, let's just say the nurse wasn't the only victim. Guy look like death, but somehow he's still kicking ass. He keeps saying he's sorry and he's strapped down tight as he could be but I dunno… He keeps occasionally bursting out into fits of laughter that ranges from sounding like a madman or a desperate attempt to cry.

It's… unsettling to say the least.

I think this also the first time I've seen him with his eyes open. I wonder if this guy got into drugs or some shit because they're the weirdest mix of focused and hazy I've ever seen. Keeps singing some bizarre tune before stopping and screaming "No! Stop!" along with various other begs to shut up.

I'm not sure why I decided to keep sitting in the room with him when that screaming was actually driving me up the wall but I did. I sat there for three hours just watching him and wondering what was so awful that this guy couldn't stop screaming his head off.

When he did finally shut up his head rolled back on the bed with a thud as his breathing evened out. Then he finally started talking.

"I saw you last night." He whispered and it was such a silky voice I was taken aback. It was such a beautiful voice and very different to what I had been hearing prior in that scratched and shaken tone. "You really should cut back on the drinking Lynnie. Was that your third or fourth bottle this week?"

"No wait- it was the sixth. Keep it up and you'll be drinking enough for every day of the week and then some."

"How did you-"

He pursed his lips into a large grin and pointed with his head towards the window that I just realize he'd been looking at the whole time. "It's a secret."

I left immediately after that. I couldn't believe what had been said to me. Calling me out my drinking- not to mention nobody has called me Lynnie since I was ten! How did he know that? How could he know that? No- forget it! He's just some wacko muttering nonsense and trying to scare me. Just have a smoke break and calm down. Get around to interviewing someone else for today.

Why was he so obsessed with that window?

 _Interview with Judith_

I'm not gonna lie being around pretty girls makes me nervous. I have trouble keeping my tongue straight around a girl as pretty as Judith, and not just because I'm interested. I just get so self-conscious about how ratty I look in comparison which leads to me spiraling out of control as I try to figure out how to look less like myself the entire time I'm talking.

Judith is gorgeous and again, I hate how young and accomplished everyone in this guild seems to be. It's just not fair!

We're at her apartment which is actually three doors down from Yuri's which was apparently a giant coincidence that just sort of happened without realizing it. Says she still has the keys and can show me his apartment if I need to look around which I do.

For some reason, his doorknobs were painted black and once inside it looks like the guy went around throwing a paint can on everything. "Was it like this before ya replaced stuff for him?"

Judith shook her head and scratched some of the paint off the kitchen table. "No. This is new."

"And you have no idea why he would do this? At all?" I asked, noting that there didn't seem to be any sign of an actual paint can and more importantly the bathroom was completely blacked out and the mirror was gone.

"None. Look, Yuri has always been pretty damn rational, so I'm not sure what caused him to snap like this. I just know that he started asking me to do weird shit like black out his windows or to replace his silverware."

I noted among the darkness of the apartment there did seem to be some writing scrawled in broken letters on a large piece of paper, but it was gibberish also.

 _Out- In he- kill- kill_ \- a large smear and a handprint- _go away- sees you_

Did a child write this? The handwriting is god awful.

"So ya have any idea what caused him ta take a dip off the deep end?" I ask stuffing the note away for later.

"No. He was fine and then one day he just screamed and broke the bathroom mirror. It started escalating from there. I'm not sure why he seems to be afraid of his reflection, but he just starts screaming if you put anything shiny up in front of him."

I stopped and raised a brow. "Why do ya think he's afraid of his reflection?"

She shrugged. "I mean you hold up anything shiny to his face and he goes ballistic. You've seen how much he screams at a window, right?"

I had and it had always been my impression that Yuri was afraid of what was beyond the window because what else could it be but if it was his reflection… "Why do you think he's afraid?"

"Well… he's gotta be seeing something we aren't."

I nodded and figured that I'd seen enough and would be on my way but stopped at the doorway. "Hey, yer boss mentioned going on a camping trip with Flynn right before this started… he mention anything happening there?"

Judith shook her head. "I can't think of anything. He even said it was a fun trip."

Huh… I bid her adieu and made my way home after talking to my boss about the miniscule progress I was making. He doesn't care much more than I do about this mess and I can't say I blame him. I feel more exhausted than necessary, but that's been the norm for me lately. I need a drink… Just a small one. Three shots… You're going stop at three shots, Laura… Maybe five if you need it. Ehh, we can stop at ten. That's a good number.

Also a bath.

Man, I reek of something foul. Did I vomit on myself and not notice? I mean, I've done it before, but… Ugh, gross!

I decide to take the bottle and a shot glass with me while I turn on the hot water for my bath. I stare a bit at myself a bit and I can't remember the last time I looked myself good in the mirror. I look like ass. Deep circles under dull eyes with scraggly brown hair that's kept in dreads to hide how I haven't wanted brush my hair in months. Not to mention that bruise on my nose that looks fucking awful.

Steadily pouring the shot I hold the glass up and smile at myself. "Well, Laura here's to day drinking!"

"I guess you are aiming for one for every day of the week," my lips mutter and I'm not sure when I said that, but my hands take another shot and press it to my lips. I start crying and I'm just not sure why that keeps happening every time I take a sip but I like it. I like the way crying makes me feel when I'm done.

One more shot… One more and I can go back to being a functioning adult.

 **fel:** **I really don't know if I'm doing a good job at this... i'm terrible at suspense...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Felinis:** **am I doing a good job? I don't think i'm doing a good job... i'm not sure if this scary... but is a thing**

I don't remember going to bed last night sad to say. Must have gotten blackout drunk because I woke up laying on the bathroom floor and my mouth tasted like shit. Hate to say it, but I'm used to that. I'm used to a lot of shit that I shouldn't be… I took a shot before going to work that morning after a glass of water just to balance things out. Thankfully, nothing seems to have happened overnight regarding our guest in the hospital.

Hasn't calmed down though from what I hear, "Seriously, he laughs like some kind of serial killer. I thought that shit was made up, but the guy seriously just breaks out into cackles," a coworker, Alex I think, said to one of the other officers who shook his head and grimaced into a cup of coffee.

"You'd think his throat would have given out by now… Guy should be committed already. What ya waiting on Lauralynne?" I think that's Jove, but really I talk to everyone so little it's hard to keep track.

I groan as I lay my head on my work desk, wishing that was the case, "Course, I should just tell the chief lock Yuri Lowell up this instance and then get fired at the end of the month because of all the people yellin' at me for committing a world hero."

Jove shook his head. "If that guy ain't crazy then I don't know crazy."

Yeah, the guy's gone off the deep end after hallucinating in the mirror. "Funny too. Guy's got no drugs in his system and he's eating fine, but he looks like he crawled out of a grave after being an addict for years. I never seen anything like it." Alex said.

"Not to mention all the crazy shit he was saying. Ya know what he did? He looked me straight in the eye and said he felt bad my dog died last month." Jove shivered and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand as they kept going on with their conversation.

"That's nothing," Alex groaned, "He asked me if I felt good when my dad finally got himself offed. How the fuck does he know what happened to my dad?"

How does he know anything…?

He shouldn't know anything about my drinking or that Alex's dad died in a drug sting that he's never quite gotten over. I don't talk to anyone much, but I know enough to understand that Alex hated his father's addiction and hated everything it did to his life but all the same he's not proud of that death. He almost never brings it up and he wouldn't to a nutcase like Yuri. Hell, just knowing Jove's dog died was creepy enough for my tastes!

God, what if he knows I drank last night?

No! This is stupid! This is some crazy guy just being right! I'll visit him ask him about those statements and then I can use them as proof to lock him up in some hole where I never have to think about that again.

"That won't fix your particular problem," I heard myself mumble and rubbed my eyes. Must be tired from sleeping on the floor…

 _Interview with Yuri Lowell_

When I came to visit he was back to being calm, but there was still an unnatural grace about him as he lay there with his arms and legs strapped to the bed that shouldn't have been. A warm smile on his face and a look in his eyes as he stared past me at the window that should not have been there. A calm clarity in him that looked positively unnatural given the past few days.

This wasn't how he should be after what I've seen but here he is looking downright normal if not sick.

"Yuri, I've come to ask ya some questions about how you've been feeling and some of the things you've said recently."

"I was disappointed in you. Drinking right after I called you out on it, Lynnie is so rude. You should take better care of yourself," he sighs and I ask but all I get is a hum of disapproval and the words, "Trade secret little Lynnie."

The way he says it and the way he never looks at me but past me, like I'm not important enough makes my skin crawl. "I wanna ask you a few questions. Let's start off easy… why did you try to kill Karol Capel."

The corners of his mouth curl and that smile breaks from warm to a cruel frosting ice as he laughs again, though it's not an obsessive cackle this time but more a light snicker. "Why? Because he was I could what else is there. Plus, the look on his face when he'd see it was me," The snickering slurred into heckles, "It's comedy gold! The way this heart would suffer and the hate everyone would have…"

The laughter stopped and he looked straight in my eyes and they were so focused and the pupils were so wide I could see my reflection staring back at me. "It be so lovely, I'm sure this soul would snap. Wouldn't you love to just snap Lynnie? You're just dying too, right?"

…I blinked taking a deep breath before setting my face back into a neutral expression. The way he said that and those eyes staring at me like some kind of shark... God, I need to look away from it, but I can't-no more if I do then I just know he'll get angry and that- that scares me. Why am I scared? This guy is tied up and I'd need to do is yell and someone will come running in to save me! I'm fine! "No, I can't say I would… Any other reasons?"

"No, I'm very simple on those kinds of matters." How comforting, a voice in the back of my mind supplied as he returned back to looking out the window. A small gasp escaped me as I dug my hands into my legs for comfort. I need to get out of here-

No, keep going. This might be as close as you'll get for a while before he snaps again into pure hysteria.

"And… for why you broke your mirrors and covered your apartment-"

A hiss leaves his lips and I press myself even further against my seat. "Oh… I wish l hadn't let that happen… makes it all so tedious… But whatever, it's all the same in the end…" He's back to laughing and I wonder what it is that actually is amusing his warped little mind. I almost left then and there too jittery at the idea of asking about when this started but I ask all the same.

What happened when you were with Flynn six months ago?

He started screaming again and I screamed too when the restraints snapped like tissue paper and he jolted upright his. I fell back in my chair hitting my head against the wall and found him standing over me wheezing like an old man as yanked me by the collar before I had a chance to run. His mouth was caught somewhere between a grimace and a grin as he grabbed me by the throat laughing.

"Kill me!" He giggled and as I struggled to get air under his grip finding I was dangling helplessly in the air as he held me. I kicked and pulled at his hands, but no matter how aware I was of solidly kicking him in the stomach or even the groin there was no reaction. Not even a flinch. "I know you're listening, but I don't care! I just need you to kill me! Don't just lock me up fucking kill me!"

Why was he crying?

"Kill me, please!" He started laughing again- why the hell hasn't a nurse or a doctor shown up to help, already? Have they seriously just started ignoring this guy entirely? Is he crying? Why the hell is he crying? "Kill me so I don't hurt anyone. So that-" He broke into a scream his hands letting go and twisting themselves as he started grabbing his own throat. I coughed and quickly scrambled to stand up, but froze when I realized that Yuri was choking himself to death. Shit! Crazy or not this guy was hurting himself and the way his fingers trembled against themselves made me think that he was scared too.

I ran to the hall screaming for a nurse- a doctor- someone! "Somebody help, he's choking!" I glanced back from the open doorway, seeing his body writhing on the ground as he legs kicked a nonexistent enemy and his face starting to turn purple from the lack of oxygen. Shit! I ran up and tried with my feeble arm strength to pry his hands away.

"Stay with me!"

"Break and cover your mirrors when you get home." Yuri huffed out as the hands loosened just a smidge and I cried for help again.

"Shut up and focus on not choking yourself!" I yelled and screamed for help and finally saw someone running through the doorway calling for more staff as they came in.

"It needs a mirror to…" He choked, and as he muttered that final word I heard a last gasp of air and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. His hands shook a last time before falling slack on the ground. The medical staff rushing in and attempting to restart his heart and all I did was watch them breathe life into a dead man's corpse.

Yuri Lowell was dead.

 **fel: ...yeah i'm probably doing bad**


	4. Chapter 4

**fel:...I feel like i'm failing but eeheheheehehehe ya know whatever**

I was thirteen the first time I saw a corpse.

My older sister Elaine and I were playing in the river when her foot got caught in a rock and pulled her under. I got help but you know how drowning is… It's fast and there's no real way to save a person faster than your legs can carry you to get an adult because you have the strength of a potato. I didn't really blame myself during the funeral for what happened despite my sadness. I just accepted I hadn't been enough and that was that.

I miss her and I mourn her when I remember her, but ultimately she just died. Skin cold and tinted blue as the stranger I begged to help me save her vainly tried to pump air into what was obviously a stiff laying on the riverbed. I got to watch her body decay over the few days it took to get the funeral together over the summer and smell that scent of the sugars in her body decomposing that for some reason I remember thinking was pleasant in a morbid sense. I remember a lot of the day we tossed her in the ground and my folks stood and stared throughout the process looking less upset and more like they were empty. Numb and unfeeling with no care or remorse for any of it in a need to just get it over with.

Yuri Lowell's funeral was nothing like that.

I came less because I cared and more out of a sense of obligation. I wasn't happy he died, but I didn't know him enough to mourn at all but I was still the last person to see him alive. It felt right to see it all to the end so I came and sat in one of the back pews noting the girl with pink hair, that is one impressive dye job and I want to ask where she gets it done, but this is so the wrong place for that, sobbing into the side of blonde man who's shoulders shook every now and then. A lot of people looked desperate to try not to cry, but it seems a majority were holding back for whatever reason they might have.

It wasn't that different from what remembered from my sister's in terms of what went on. A lot of Eulogies and a lot of tears as people talked about how it was too soon and too awful for their friend to die like this… I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone you knew who was mentally ill prior to their death and how much worse that makes remembering them. How it changes how you saw their last moments of life from the person you knew to the person they'd become.

Apparently, the folks from the empire that came to visit hadn't even been aware of Yuri's condition at all prior, so they were spared the reality but left to dream of what their friend had become. Dreams are always worse in my experience because you conjure worse things on your own than reality ever could.

One point, Karol thanked me for coming and trying to help Yuri but in the end, I was just left with the awful taste in my mouth and the knowledge that a man died in front of me while I did nothing but call for help again. I got asked a lot by passing attendants I didn't recognize about that moment.

Did he suffer?

Why didn't you get help sooner?

Do you think he could have been saved?

Any idea what happened?

Are you going to keep looking into this?

What do you think happened to Yuri?

Was it suicide?

Was it an accident?

What happened?

What happened?

 _Why didn't you do something? WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?_

I slipped out the back and decided to smoke in the alleyway and was relieved to at last be in an atmosphere that wasn't laden with the musk and sweat of grieving hearts. They have the right to grieve and be mad at me. they have every right, but it doesn't mean I can give them anything that will help and I hate that. I can't bring anyone closer with what I know and what I did for the man, but they crave it all the same.

I really can't blame them for wanting that sort of salvation, but in the end, I was just someone who was there.

I pull out a cigarette and a lighter and start to smoke in the alley behind the place. "Mind if I have one," a man's voice says and I offer without a second thought. It's the blonde man and he's definitely been crying or at least working hard not to if the red in his eyes is anything to go by.

He takes a drag and gives a small cough like you'd expect from someone not quite used to smoking before pulling the smoke in like a regular a few moments later. "Cherry flavored?"

I shrug, "What can I say like it."

"It's not bad." He hums. "I like the smell."

We stand in a comfortable silence against the wall before I finally look him in the eye and ask, "So how did you know him?"

An awkward and strained laugh as the guy tries not frown or shake but his lips tremble a little anyway, "He… Yuri was my best friend. We grew up together and everything."

"Shit." I absentmindedly puff out a few small 'o' shaped smoke rings, watching the clumps of gray air slowly pull apart.

"What about you?" I toss the butt on the ground and smear it under my foot. "Are you a member of Brave Vesperia or…?"

"I'm a member of the local enforcement unit," I say and his eyes light up with recognition.

"So you were the one who saw it happen?" I nod and he breathes out a long and weighted sigh, "I'm sorry. That can't… I can't imagine that was something you wanted to be a part of."

I waited for the question that always seemed inevitable while I was inside, but the guy was silent. Just took snail's paced huffs of smoke and leaned against the wall with me. I got his name, Flynn Scifo, so now I know who the Flynn guy Yuri went on a trip with was and I felt like I should be shocked at the idea that the commandant was out smoking with me during a funeral, but I had prepared myself for that sort weirdness when I was first assigned to Yuri's case.

Then I thought about Yuri's last words and when he snapped, "Hey, that camping trip you and Yuri went on… anything happen that would- ya know?"

"No. We had a really good time… He seemed so happy and I just…" Flynn snapped his second cigarette between his fingers tossing on the ground. "Why?"

I look at one of the windows you can see from the buildings in the alley looking at my reflection. "Maybe he saw something out there."

He shook his head and walked away, "I can't imagine what." I didn't bother sticking around after that.

It was calm after that day and everything was finally back to normal and it stayed normal. I did my job, drank, kept being a mess, and just continued to function as I did prior. Everything was like it had always been and that was fine… I was fine…

Or at least, as fine as I can be.

Nothing happened of interest or note for weeks that faded into months after the death of Yuri Lowell and that was to be expected. There was the occasional whispering of the locals theorizing everything that might have happened, but otherwise, the world was silent about him.

The story did not end here.

No, the tale resumes with the cruel predictability that always follows in something so bizarre and horribly unexpected as this. So the case of Yuri Lowell resumed with the out of place near suicide of Alex. It had been three and a half months since his death that on Monday night his girlfriend was lucky enough to catch him trying to hang himself in the bathroom and after that, it got worse.

Thing about Alex is that despite the fact we're not friends I know just from listening over the years how much this guy hates suicide. Genuinely vomits at the idea of it in his mouth and spits at the bodies when he sees them. I know that's the part that made him angriest about his father's death. Took the easy way out… The idea that he'd even think if attempting is fucking absurd! But he did and begged to be locked away in a dark hole.

I asked why he tried to kill himself and he just would scream and babble nonsense still he started crying. Then he started laughing as he was taken away for treatment and attempted to gouge his eyes out. Last I heard, Alex had taken to hiding himself in solitary confinement whenever at all possible staring into a corner mumbling about how no one can see him. A lot of people in the office say it was work and life finally made him snap and that he probably been sick for a while now and he'd reached a tipping point, but I kept thinking about how when I talked to him he looked like he was fighting against his own body. Fighting desperately to make his mouth form the right words only for his lips to bend in the wrong curves and his tongue against its needed position for a simple sound or syllable was all too familiar. I'm pretty sure everyone else noticed that too, but nobody is willing to say anything.

I came home and drank until I passed out on the floor. I seem to be doing that a lot lately and I would be scared about how I'm killing myself with all this, but I just don't care.

What the hell drove Alex insane?


	5. Chapter 5

**fel:** **this chapter itself is very short but there's an actual chapter immediately after to help better convey the emotion of time... plus I like it in stories where they have chapters that are like this**

Nothing's happened much around here since Alex and last I checked he's still screaming at walls in a mental institution. The only thing to note is that I actually have a grip on my drinking for a change but other than that nothing. Nothing has happened. Yuri Lowell is still dead, I still work for the force, people live, people die, and this town is the same as always. It's just… normal.

Everyone is fine and in fact works been a little slow in the past few months with really little to note on. I know Brave Vesperia's doing a lot of volunteer work to try to improve the system in honor of their dead friend. The guild is doing what they always did otherwise. It was a very whiplash change in tone and just overall life compared to recently but, hey, no complaints. I was actually feeling fine about being happy for a change and this gnawing guilt that been burying itself in my gut for a time over the incident with Yuri was finally starting to fade.

I really do wish I could have helped the guy but that's not the way it happened and that's just how it is sometimes. The man is dead and that's all there is to it and I'll go on as I always have. Maybe Alex was a freak coincidence? It's not important enough to worry about right now. If anything happens around here it'll happen otherwise it's all fine and normal. That's enough for me and I'm perfectly up for never seeing another person try to gouge out their eyes or kill themselves.


	6. Chapter 6

**fel: I said there's immediately be a real chapter...**

Alex tried to kill himself again and the doctors decided it was best to toss him in a padded cell with his arms in a straitjacket; by now, Yuri Lowell has been dead for almost a year and that's the only thing regarding his death to think about. I've stopped trying to ask why this kind of thing happens but it doesn't change that it does. Sometimes we just go insane and I see it happen enough that I try not to let it way me down for my own sanity, but that's harder to do than anyone lets on. I can pretend not to give a shit, but it does nothing to change how much it does rattle me in the future to see sights like that.

I can say Elaine's death meant nothing but it doesn't change the fact that I wish I got to see what my sister would have been like if she had made it into adulthood. What she would have done with her life and how she'd look at me now and probably scold me for being a lush who like it because it makes them sad. Being sad is comforting and easy compared to happiness.

Happy takes effort and friendship. Happiness takes others while with sadness the only company I may require is a long sad stare at myself in the mirror. It's easy to force sadness and it's a state I find makes it easier to take any tragedy along with makes the bits of joy shine brighter. Elaine would hate everything about this kind of attitude and lifestyle.

Yeah, she was all for joy and positivity. Focus on the next good moment and ignore the bad. All those things I have long since stopped being a fan of.

I was having dinner on the couch just letting my mind wander about on any topic that it could, mostly what bills were going to look like this month and let my eyes stare out the window into the nighttime sky. I miss the barrier. I miss the light it provided that made the night less oppressing and made the streets feel safe even in the darkest corners. I miss the way the stars didn't aggressively stare back and were more a passing observation. I miss the promise as long as there was a barrier no monsters could sneak in the night and eat little children from there beds like parents warn in scary tales meant to invoke obedience.

"But, sometimes the stars and that endless void are stunning," I find myself muttering and shake my head because I have never liked the night sky. Must be tired. I went to bed in peace and come morning I was greeted to a shocking news that had the gossips spreading around the information with odd words and tidbits, but it was ultimately the same.

There's been a massacre in the town square.

Six people gorged and laid around the town with their organ flayed and placed so that if you looked from a window it might resemble a giant rose. In the center, the man, the artist, responsible sat laughing in the middle in the puddle brought forth from last night's rain. Name was Greg Strepin and apparently, he'd been struggling to make ends meet lately as a sculpture when he finally had enough and decided he'd prove his skill with murder.

We took him in without a struggle and after the formality of the trial, he'll likely get the death penalty. It's not guaranteed but it's likely as fuck. Still, other than that things were normal. The weather was nice. People were happy as they lived their lives or they mourned over the tragedy. They lived, they died, the moved on because that's what ya do.

In the coming weeks since the Greg Strepin incident, four more abnormal cases had occurred with no overlapping relationships between the people. One was a young girl named Mary Linski only six who was found killing dogs with a broken glass in a back alley and stuffing her face with the flesh till her cheeks puffed like some deranged chipmunk. This kid had killed her own dog just for fun and had rolled around on the ground with the carcass before look for other animals to slaughter. Nobody could explain what the hell was wrong with her because she was always a good kid and then suddenly she snapped. Won't stop muttering too and it's creepy as fuck because I saw some pictures from before since she was missing a few days and ya could scarcely recognize her. Body was gaunt and thin with sunken cheekbones and glassy eyes that just looked out at you as she laughed while her lips and chin sagged like an older woman. We were only able to identify her because of the bloodstained clothes her parents confirmed as what she'd been wearing the day prior.

Second was a teenage boy from one of the small smithing guilds named Harrison Nor who killed himself when reportedly during his workday he started laughing softly to himself before pouring molten iron on himself right in front of the workers who were helpless to save this man as he burned to death letting out a sound that was a mixture of screaming and laughter. Easy to imagine why the whole thing was so damn unsettling.

Third was a middle-aged woman named Tiffany Johannes who was a singer at a local bar who wouldn't stop singing and broke into violent sobs as she begged for help in choked notes in-between cords. People did get her off stage and attempt to stop her voice when it finally became apparent what she was saying but she didn't stop until finally, someone knocked her unconscious. She won't stop, and her husband has been asking for help and for us to figure out the problem but we don't have anything we can do for her. Her voice is so scratched and sore that I doubt she'll ever be able to speak when this is done let alone sing.

Last was a merchant who'd just arrived on a routine trip from his hometown in Mantaic who before going completely fucking bonkers mentioned that there was a similar sort of madness spreading there too. "Eight people. That's how many have just lost it recently! One day they're fine and the next they're eating shit or skinning themselves- whatever it is it's always awful and unpleasant to look at. I dunno man, it's like the whole world is going fucking crazy. I hear this shit is going as far as Zaphias."

He ate himself to death three days later.

I don't know what the hell is going on anymore. I just- I can't- there is no explanation I can grasp as to why in the past few weeks we've had all these instances and more importantly why they're still occurring all over Dahngrest. I need out. I need a break from the insanity because just in this afternoon alone it's been made public that Harry Whitehorse has started speaking in complete gibberish and laughing like an idiot. He's delusional and for some reason won't stop smiling and while it's less violent than anything we've seen prior it only speaks as a prelude to real madness.

There's one thing though that seems common, a jerkiness in most victim's movements as if they're fighting their own body a fascination with glass and shiny objects. I broke all the mirror and blacked out my windows last night because as mad as he was I'm certain Yuri Lowell was patient zero of whatever the hell is happening. He saw something in those mirrors and I intend to find out.

Because this parade of insanity as everyone breaks into madness makes my skin itch in a way that says it will continue if not stopped so if it can... well, I'll just hope.

 **fel:** **i'm still not sure if this is scary or even good... let alone intriguing. Please for the love of god someone tell me if this is in anyway good?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Fel: my life is falling apart these days**

I'm not sure if the state of Dahngrest in the two days since Harry's proclaimed insanity has worsened or not, but I will state that there is a more vocal panic to the state of things that I haven't seen since… well, really since the Adephagos. There's no other real comparison I can think of for what's happening around here. I just know that people keep running in with people they claim to have caught the madness like it's a plague to be cured of.

The singer, Tiffany, seems the only one of the victims we've recorded as of late who's returned to some semblance of sanity. She will never talk again and that is a fact. Her vocal cords are shredded beyond any form of recovery that even if we still had healing artes we'd never be able to fix. We asked if she could write down what she experienced, but her husband spoke up claiming that tragically both were illiterate, having come from poor families that didn't see much point in it. We asked if she could attempt to draw her experience even if her skills were crude and unrefined but the most we got was a poor sketch of her reflection on a bottle and an open mouth. The rest was too cryptic to grasp.

She was rightfully destroyed by the knowledge she would never sing, let alone speak again and it was then revealed that Tiffany's greatest love had been singing at that bar which was now lost to her.

So far we haven't had another case like this, but the itch in my skin that appeared with the cases has yet to fade. Give it a day or a week... hell even another minute and someone will burst through the screaming bloody murder and it will actually be literal.

Karol Capel had aged in a manner that made it hard to describe his physic in a way or form that felt for the lack of any better term correct. His body was built and strong from years fighting monsters, but at the same time, there was an ache in his walk as if despite his ability he'd already grown weary of the tedium of his actions. His face was young and springy with nary a wrinkle and even the faintest signs of stubble showing he was past puberty but at the same time his chin had a sort of sag and his eyes drooped in a way that made you think of someone in their mid-twenties rather than a boy at the cusp of manhood. He looked young and old in a way that puzzled onlookers as his voice cracked on occasion and the hint of remaining childhood innocence peaked out from what looked to be a man's body.

He was very old and yet so young and it puts people off. I am no exception, and upon looking at some of the pictures in his office that showed a young child no older than twelve standing among the original members of Brave Vesperia and the other's who accompanied on the journey to save the world, I was left wondering how a child became who he was today. Since I last saw him a new heaviness that was not there before seemed to follow his movements as he looked even older than before and almost seemed to age as he spoke.

Like Yuri's death had drained the youth out of him. He sat in his desk looking at me with neither a smile or disdain. He chose to appraise me and decide if I was worth his time. If he had the energy to humor my theories on what was happening.

"How can I help you Miss Kurchif?" He said, shuffling his papers in a way that I see all the time at work with folks hiding that they aren't working.

"I'm sure you've noticed that the victims are similar," I said, no point skimping on the details and better to just cut to the chase.

"Oh- so do you finally have an answer or are you here to grill me for more information on something I don't understand? No, can't understand!" he spits and while I recoil a bit I understand the anger.

I tell him the truth about how I have no idea what is happening. That I have no proof or reasoning. I have nothing to offer him for comfort or knowledge, but I do have a theory. "Insanity- madness- mental disorders- whatever the fuck label ya want ta put on it, they don't happen like this and you know it. I know it. People are seeing this everywhere and if yer like me, you've felt it, right? That itch in the back of your skull and that- that paranoia like something is wrong?"

His eyes shift around the room before gesturing me to follow him into a small closet in the back and there's an understanding between us. We can't be seen or heard talking about this- Yuri's final worlds inking in as the shadows encase us in the darkness of the tight space.

"So you've noticed it too?" He says and I nod before realizing it's too dark in here for that and then give a yes. "I thought I might be crazy, but well, lately when I look in a mirror it's just- it's like something is looking back at me but it's just my reflection. And I'm scared! I haven't been scared like this since I was a kid and I can't explain it. I've tried telling the others but well… let's just say after what's happened with Harry, I'm a bit worried if I tell them they'll jump the guns before I can do anything." Karol's voice has a shake to it as he speaks like a nightmare lingers at the edge of his mind that he can't hope to forget but wants to.

"It's not just here too. Whatever the hell is happening is going on everywhere and we have no idea what's causing it except that it has something ta do with reflections." I say bumping back into the wall. "Look, Yuri Lowell saw something. I don't know what, but he did and I'm pretty sure he was trying ta warn us."

As far we know Yuri Lowell is the only one who was able to communicate any sort of information before either dying or ending up in a state of what seems to be pure delirium. Greg Strepin while mostly lucid refused to talk about anything and when he did it was broken fragments of sounds that couldn't form words. Like he couldn't say anything despite his want. I wondered if that was why self-harm seemed to be common among them. A lack of will that could only be expressed in such a manner or maybe even the opposite.

"So where would we even start? Wander around the woods he went with Flynn until we find something?" Karol says and I have a feeling he's rolling his eyes and I agree with that attitude. No, unless we have an idea there's no point wandering around the woods pointlessly for something we're unsure on.

"I was thinking we could hunt the libraries? Try to find a lead." There has to be something about this somewhere and Karol agrees with a shake of his hand an escort to the door.

"Whatever the hell is happening… Whatever the fuck killed Yuri, I want it dead." I nod and give a hesitant smile promising to do what I can… His hands tremble with anger… fear… an emotion? And, for some reason that bothers me.


	8. Chapter 8

**felinis: heheheheeheheh long time no write... hahaha... I'm ashamed**

Another two reports had to be filed and sadly one ended again in the death of a victim. I've been hunting any book I can find on the subject of what the fuck is going on around here and so far no such luck- the same goes for Karol. Most lore on mirrors turns into a redundant mess and any monsters known to be seen in them are for the most part harmless if not a fair amount terrifying.

It's no secret that there are some monster species that are essentially invisible to the naked eye but appear in reflections. We've known that for years. No, what I'm looking for seems to be deeper. Something harder to find that's off the beaten path of what you could find at a standard library.

Karol is the one who eventually suggests going to New Aspio. "They've got a much larger collection than we do. Plus, I know a researcher there who's probably already on this."

"That's nice, but unlike you, I can't just skip town." I have a job here that's growing more and more important and stressful by the day. I can't leave for a month and go cross-continent. God knows travel time alone will be weeks and my boss would not like that all.

"Then I'll go. Pretty sure Judith also will want in all of this too." Karol hums leafing through a textbook before slamming it shut. He stands up popping his shoulders and pulling out a ledger from the large bag he always seems to keep on him, "Let's see… Can't be gone too long myself either… Hmm, I'll be back next week. Hopefully, that's enough time."

I was almost gonna ask how the hell he was gonna pull off that kind of travel time, but I forgot that Brave Vesperia has that legendary monster transportation thing. Seriously, this guild gets weirder and weirder the closer you look at it.

"What'll you do if there's nothin?" I ask tapping absently against a page.

Karol bites his lip, "Then there's nothing. That scares me more."

"Ya ever see a mirror monster?" It's not really for any particular reason I ask. Mostly, I'm curious because a guild as well traveled has probably seen something along those lines. "Or anything that made you think this ghosts and stuff are real?"

He hums and grabs another dusty tome from the library shelf. "Yeah. Back when the guild first started there was this ship… the Atherum- we found floating in the middle of the ocean. Full to the brim with those kinds of things. It was scary as fuck. Door randomly locking themselves, lamps just lit with creepy blue fire, eerie creeks, all the good stuff."

He laughs plops back down. "I was so scared I was practically walking on top of Yuri." The smile fades and that solemnness returns that I always see lingering around his face. "It was like we walked into a campfire story and looking back on it, it was a really cool time. Nothing like this."

Karol leans back in his chair looking to the ceiling his hands having a shakiness to them, "It feels so long ago…"

I can't help it when I sit next to this kid but wonder how the world looks to him. How Karol Capel sees the world as he sits in that chair managing a guild that's an up-and-coming power in the world. How he the world looks from a child hero. If he's still got the same spunk from youth or if he's been worn down by the world already to a point that most of this is meaningless without the people he cared about. What does he see when he looks at an adult or child? Does he see himself as a man or a child?

Because to me, he doesn't seem to be either…

It's when we finally call the meeting over that I find myself walking back in the night through the streets. They're silent in that loud kind of way. Ya know, that loud silence that speaks of all the thoughts buzzing in the air waiting to be screamed and the tensions waiting to be released as everyone runs into the streets screaming bloody murder. A prelude to madness that just itches, and itches, and itches,

AND ITCHES

That feeling alone is enough to evoke a sense of madness. Panic just keeps building and that's what worries me most. Panic leads to hysteria- hysteria leads to chaos. And when there is chaos death tends to follow and it don't take a genius to figure that out. "What did you see in the mirror Yuri Lowell?"

The smoke from my cigarette trails into the night sky and for once it's calming and inviting amongst the silent noise of the chaos in these empty streets. When the dark becomes more welcoming than the hustle and bustle of the day you know the world had gone ta shit. Monsters hide in the dark and if we've gotten to the point of welcoming monsters than the city is fucked…

God, I must be crazy. The first thing I did when I got home looked through my savings and count up how many vacation days I'd saved up. It's fucking crazy! There is no point in me getting myself killed looking in the woods for some supposed catalyst to all this when there very well may be nothing there. When I have no idea what I'm looking for…

No, I don't have any idea… But, I know that apartment is still untouched. I know that there will be clues if I go looking. I know that if I ask the right people I may get somewhere.

And I know things of this matter always get worse before getting better.

It's not too hard to get the key from my boss's office and get inside the apartment. I know from Karol that apparently Judy's been cleaning it from time to time, preserving some semblance like he's still around. I didn't dig enough last time.

I go through all his drawers, mostly clothing, a few weird costumes- and are these- holy fuck the guy was a furry. Well, cataloging that away. Most are innocent looking everyday objects. Nothing anyone would care about. There's nothing, nothing- and then, there is something. Buried in a drawer is a journal.

Not what you'd expect considering Yuri Lowell wasn't much of a reader from what I've heard, but surprises are always to be expected. It's actually a schedule… Really not what I expected, but then again Yuri Lowell was the vice head of the guild. He probably had a lot to keep up with as time went on.

I finally found where they went- ground zero. And for some reason, I'm going.


	9. Chapter 9

**Fel: here I go writing again**

Come morning I had essentially spent my saving on holy bottles and various other supplies. If I was going to run off into danger like an idiot, I at least wanted a chance. Even if it was slim as fuck and made no sense under any scrutiny. The only money left on me was enough for a ship ride over and I hoped it would be enough.

"So where are ya headed to exactly?" The ferry master asked and I doubled checked the journal once more just to be safe. Dahngrest doesn't have a proper large-scale mooring set up but the rivers in the town are safe enough for small boats to travel to a port they'd made in the deltas.

"I need ta get to someplace called the Crystallands? Not really sure where that is."

The ferryman lets out a whistle. "Damn. You some kind of hardcore adventurer or something?"

"Ah, no… should I be worried?" I mean I knew there was a high chance this was a hellish den of monsters but I was hoping it wouldn't be.

"I mean, it's like this whole new island that showed up during the calamity."

…"So, I'm guessing no boats then…?"

"I mean, there is a boat that'll take you up to the island research center. But um are you sure-"

"Yes!" Just give me the goddamn ticket already! I do not have time to be standing around all day waiting on this. He hesitates but does eventually decide to just hand over a ticket and I wait at the dock till boarding time before stepping on the large riverboat. This is such a dumb idea. I mean going off to some creepy island that spontaneously showed up with nothing on me but a bunch of healing items and an old sword I haven't used ever.

It's a long time spent on the small river boat till we reach the actual port and get on the ship. I spend it reading something as far removed from our fucked up reality as possible and try to ignore the gossip. Too many people are talking about the things going on in the city and more are talking about what's going on elsewhere.

Once I get to that place, I'll get to the root of all of this. Even if takes me a month to get there in all likelihood and I am not looking forward to the travel logistics to all of this.

 _Arriving in Crystallands_

A month on the high seas is the worst thing in the world and I was both really grateful and really dreading the fact that the ship was finally arriving at what looked less like a port and more like some scaffolding they'd built into the side of the cliff. Apparently, the only way in would be to fly and back when researchers were first coming to study this place Brave Vesperia did help out with this until they were able to make this.

"There's really not much around here except for those crystal caverns." One of the mercenaries who helps guard the local research lab says as I follow him up. "Most everywhere around here is a bit of wasteland so supplies are really rationed around here."

"Ya can't grow any crops?" I ask and am more than grateful that a wagon is going to be taking us to our location.

"There's not enough soil around here. Ground is basically pure rock. We asked if there was any way of fixing that with the mages but all we get is that we'll have to wait on natural corrosion and whatever mystic mumbo jumbo."

I watch the scenery go by and it's just as empty as he said. Why would anyone wanna vacation here? It's bleak, it's cold, and it's downright a pain to get to. "So those caverns… they really that interesting?"

"Oh yeah. It's beautiful in there. Lot of monsters though."

"Say… ya hear of the craziness happening in Dahngrest and everywhere else?"

He nods, "Hate to say it but this place also has a bit of that going on."

"How many?"

A sigh, "Only three but with a population of thirty-six, that's plenty enough to worry. I think it might be four but we can't find the guy. Probably just got eaten in the caves sadly, it happens enough."

The settlement is pretty bare bones and is right at the edge of the entrance to a large cave. Close enough to walk to but far enough to fortify. Okay, time to get the show on the road. Daylight is burning and nobody seems to care that I slip away to head towards the cave. Deep breath! Just hold that holy bottle close and be ready to chug.

Walking in it's more than obvious where this place got its name. I mean shit, this place is so sparkly I struggled to keep my eyes open for a bit. "Fuck it's bright!" I muttered squinting as I made my way in. The whole thing feels like you're walking into a sparkling dream and you know what now I can see the logic.

Crystal flowers, crystal light, rivers of crystal-clear water... Shit. This place is amazing... So what went wrong here? The crystals are unbelievably fragile and they fracture at a slight brush leaving my hands coated in glittering dust as I wander further in.

Weird. Where are all the monster? Aren't there supposed to be a ton of them in here?

The further in I go the more it just turns into a labyrinth of crystals, crystals, and more fucking crystals. I hate silence of this place and there's something inherently disturbing about rivers flowing through a cave that are that still. "I'm walking in a mirror... Maybe that's what drove him insane..."

It's a joke for the most part. "Dammit, I could wander around here forever and not find anything at this rate!" Like how the hell do I find anything in this place? And how do I shake the feeling I'm being watched? "Fuck!" I scream and freeze a little at my voice reverberating off the walls. That is way too loud for comfort.

I followed the river long enough ducking past a few monsters and using two holy bottles till I reached a large lake in the middle of the cavern. It was stunning, I'll give it that much. "I better find something in this cave." Some kind of sign had to be here- this was ground zero- this place is just one giant mirror! If whatever the hell drove him crazy came from here there should be signs because there is absolutely nowhere to hide from it.

Oh fuck... I hesitantly looked at my reflection and nothing seems wrong. Nothing felt wrong… Paranoia isn't healthy. Sitting at the edge of lake brushing my fingers along the water as I tried to figure out what might stand out. Where's the hidden clue?

"Damn this annoying," I muttered laying down in the empty cavern. "Not even a lot of monsters around here." Looking up at the glittering stalagmites I narrowed my eyes. "Is that a magic circle?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Fel: oh look at that more chapter**

Yuri felt his heart clench and a scream bubble from his throat as the person - the first person he'd seen in ages - showed up in this space.

How long has it been? When did he get here?

He's not really sure but he remembers coming to vacation with Flynn and then it all starts to slowly blur. He's been trapped in this void of mirrors and reflection staring at himself till eventually even that just disappeared.

At first, he thought -okay it's weird but it's probably a dream. No big deal, he'll just wait till he wakes up… but of course, he knew it wasn't. Sad thing is that reality has a distinct feel to it that is impossible to shake off entirely and can't be tossed away. He's felt that from the moment he opened his eyes.

Yuri kind of knew he was here before, this whole scene felt familiar and there were scraps of memories in his mind of there being someone else here before. He remembers seeing them in his reflection and then…

Red… Red…

 _Why stop at killing the bad guys? You could do so much more_

He grabbed at his chest heaving

 _You don't need to care about them. They're just ants. None of them matter_

That damn voice rattling on his heads for fucking months telling him things he'd never want to hear. Telling him to do things he'd never want to do.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

 _"_ _You should kill Karol."_

He'd heard that aloud. And Yuri wasn't sure who said it till he felt a smile crawl onto his face without his knowledge and a laugh force itself from his throat. "You should kill Karol! Hell, you should kill all of them! They don't mean anything to you!"

That was why he broke the mirror. Because it shut up once the mirror was gone.

But it kept coming back. Everywhere he looked there was a mirror and that voice would whisper and pulls his body like a doll.

 _Strangle that child._

No

 _Strangle them!_

No!

 _Do it! You will do it!_

If a person walking by hadn't splashed in the puddle next to him Yuri might have. It's funny, but Yuri never realized how many things could cast a reflection. Basically everywhere there's a mirror of some sort that a person can look at. Windows being an obvious example but there are more. Much more.

He really wanted to tell someone to. He really did. He tried so hard to tell people what was wrong with him. That little by little he wasn't seeing out of his own eyes and he was finding himself in this room of mirrors with that voice laughing at him- his reflection. That this voice kept getting louder and as it did his ability to do anything other than fight in vain against himself turned from something with hope to him just hoping he could force gibberish out for periods and stretches.

He just has to keep his eyes shut tight and hold it back. It can't see him if there are no mirrors and he got rid of them. He hid away from.

Yuri really wanted to tell them.

 _If you try, I'll kill you. Without mercy, I will cut your soul from your body and place you somewhere worse than hell_

He tried so hard to say something but each time without fail that thing – that horror would press death against him and Yuri would surrender in fear. He tried leaving hints, little clues when it wasn't looking. But slowly that time turned nonexistent until Yuri realized that there was one mirror he couldn't escape from. His eyes.

"Could please just stab my eyes out. It won't fix it, but it'll shut it up long enough for me to tell you."

 _Just let me tell you. I can't feel my blood or my bones. I can't see anything anyway. It's all just a room full of mirrors with that reflection mocking me. It all burns and yet I can't feel anything. Everything burns with emptiness. Please, I want it to stop._

"I want to be me again," He tried to say but all that came out were the reflections words.

And now… Now, he's just stuck here with no concept of time and a very vague recollection of how and why. He at least knows he's dead. He's not even sure why the hell this is happening… Yuri looks at the woman in the glass and a blip of thought passes through his head.

 **I really like creepy mirrors. also... I still don't know if this is scary. It's more like oh supernatural mystery but you probably can guess where this going kind of. I mean i'm not subtle.**


	11. Chapter 11

**fel** : **hey look it's this. this fic I was writing. I was meant to write this fic... I did. I did write fic, why do I start so many new wips**

That's a magic circle! That is a magic circle… Why is there a magic circle on the ceiling? I pull out the notepad from my satchel. This may be a clue. Not sure what it's a clue of but maybe something. I sketch it carefully and make some approximations of the writing since it's not entirely clear. Come on, Laura you didn't study to be a mage for three years for nothing.

Okay, that symbol- and that symbol- I don't remember what that part means- this is… A containment spell? No… that's not it. This is a door.

Yeah, pretty sure this is some kind of weird entrance sign written out as a spell sigil. I'm not gonna even pretend I know why that's there or what it could even be an entrance to. I need to get out of here and get my thoughts together.

Not to mention all this glittering is giving me a headache. God, it's way too shiny in here! I feel like my eyes are gonna burn out of my head. An open door? What's with that? It's not like this place is old or people are here that often. There are those spirit things that appeared after the blastia disappeared but that doesn't really make sense. Nobody has ever seen one but I have read about them in the occasional scientific journal that will make its way around every few months. They're very lean and expensive but I'm rather fond of them.

Elaine loved the shit out of them.

"You think she be sad to see ya like this?" I mutter looking back at that reflection of myself on the wall. Ill-fitting clothes, unkempt hair, dark circles under my eyes, not to mention I know for a fact I smell. I wasn't always such a mess! I had a lot I was going to do and a lot I wanted but then- and just- fuck! Life is shit okay and sometimes it's easier to be a miserable drunk shaving your days off your skin like armpit hair than some happy overachiever like she was.

I kicked at the wall in frustration. "I don't give a crap! She's dead. Elaine is fucking dead and she's been dead for years and I don't want to ever think of her again."

I lied about how her funeral was quiet. I never went. I never liked Elaine. I never liked how happy she was. It was just so fucking ridiculous how much she was looking forward to every next moment and the big adventure of life. Always smiling, always happy, always telling me what to do.

"You were really happy that her leg got caught," I mutter back at that damn reflection. At those judgy eyes looking back through the crystal. I don't care! I just don't! She's dead and I don't give a fuck. So what if I thought it served her right for always living in her delusional happy little world? So what if I thought it was justice?

"You let her drown Lynnie."

Oh no… that- I- I- that wasn't me. I'm not talking. Why am I talking? I hadn't meant to and now that I think about it… I feel sick! "You let her drown and you know it. You noticed and waited before you went to get help. You waited until there was barely any time left." Suddenly, my own hands started winding around my neck. My expression torn somewhere between scared for my life and a malicious serene.

My cheeks hurt as I struggled against this pull to just smile and my vision was blurring from the intense twitching in my eyes. No. No! I don't want to die! I don't want to go crazy! I don't want to disappear! What's happening to me?

Tears are welling in my eyes and I manage to force myself from my reflection to stare at the floor. My hand goes slack and relief hits me. I'm fine. I'm fine!

A laugh. "Did you forget that this entire cave is a mirror. Little Lynnie you are in my domain and I'm going to tear you apart until your soul shatters."

My blood feels like it's boiling as I jerk upright and start walking further into the cave. I keep trying to resist and strain my muscles against themselves, but it just hurts and it's exhausting. I'm going to die. Whatever the fuck it is that is making me do this is gonna drag me away and kill me in this cave. I'm going to die. I'm going to die and nobody is coming to save me.

 _"_ Ironic isn't it?"

I didn't want Elaine to die. I just… I wanted her to be punished. She wasn't the one getting bullied. She wasn't the one being ignored. She was Elaine. I just wanted her to sink a bit from her heights.

I'm not a bad person! I don't deserve this! I don't- I somehow manage to slam my body against the wall and shut my eyes running. I just have to get out of here. I just have to get away this cave and get someplace where I can tell people what's happening. I just-

My eyes pry open on their own and I halt. "Cute. But not enough." The short sword I brought with me is pulled from its sheath and I watch as my own arm is sliced open. Blood dripping everywhere and the pain- hot agonizing pain. I want to scream and cry but the only thing I get is laughter. I can't stop laughing. Stop!

No.

"Didn't you want to pay penance? Weren't you always mad that you were never enough?" Another deep slash. "You give big speeches about loving misery but really you're just afraid to be happy. You are a disgusting wretch of a person. You don't even want to live."

I'm trying so hard to fight as I stab into my own leg twisting the blade until I can see the bone. Why haven't I passed out yet? It's agony! It burns and stings. I want to scream but I can't and my tears are stopping against my want to cry. Let me do something to express this hell. This is my body! Give it back!

"I was in you for months waiting for you to notice, but you didn't. You deny so much-"

Twist

"that you couldn't-"

Stab

"see that I was controlling you!"

Slice.

I finally manage something through all of it, "What even are you?"

"I am every dark thought had looking in a mirror. You're going to answer to all those little whispers you made thinking no one was watching just like everyone else."

No. I gotta fight. I have to- yes, Yuri! Yuri was trying to fight back and he… It took every ounce of my strength to will my hand as I dug a hand straight into my own eye socket. I finally screamed. That tension and boiling like my skin was being pulled left and I gasped.

Moving. I have to keep moving. I have to move while the adrenaline is still keeping me up. I'm not dying here. I'm not!

"Need some help?" It's my voice again but it's different from that thing that was controlling me. The pain numbs and it's easier to limp forward. "Do you have any gels."

I nod at the wall. "Eat them all. It should clot the wounds and help a bit till we can get somewhere safe."

My hands shake as pops the gels in my mouth desperate to cram as many as I can inside me. I feel better. In pain but better. "Who are you? You're not that- that- thing."

God, it's hard to judge distances with only one eye. "I'm Yuri Lowell and if you don't mind I'm stealing your reflection."

"Huh?"

"It's okay. You're hurt, right? Tune out for a bit and I'll get us out of this place. After that, I'm afraid you're on your own."

This doesn't make any sense. What the hell is happening? Yuri Lowell died months ago but also my body was possessed. Moving. Gotta keep moving. That feeling comes again and I'm moving against my will again but this time it doesn't feel gross. "Why didn't you show up sooner?"

"It's kind of complicated but that thing needed to leave."

"Are you like some kind of ghost?" It's too bright in here and it's a struggle to walk.

"No. Actually, let me check back on that."

"This is surreal." I'm being possessed by the ghost of Yuri fucking Lowell.

"You want surreal try manning a body in reverse from the outside. I have to remember to breathe even though I technically can't."

Down and down this mess of a crystal labyrinth and the more we walk the emptier it feels. Nothing is alive here but me. "I bought holy bottles expecting a ton of monsters but it's practically empty inside."

"That thing ate them."

"Is that what it's doing to us? Eating?" I said panting as we seemed to be in the home stretch.

"No. This is playtime." If this playtime what the fucking hell is dinner for this thing?


	12. Chapter 12

**fel: ah yes... the fic nobody cares about me updating**

I'm not sure how the fuck I actually made it back to the camp but I think through sheer dumb luck and the fact that my pain seemed to have been tuned out by this whole thing. I woke up bandaged and bruised with somehow everything intact- well mostly in tack. Or the best I can be given I basically nearly sawed off my own left leg and tore out my right eye. I can't see it but I feel the empty stinging from below my knee and hear that reminder of my own fuck up. I walked right into that things fucking lair and let myself get nearly killed.

Agony. Fuck it's all agony and I can't sit up. "We don't know how you made it back but you sure are a lucky one Miss," The doctor says double checking my wounds and feeling my pulse. "We don't have a fully equipped medical office or any artes so this was really the only option. Sorry for your loss but on the bright side you'll likely make a full recovery. I swear you got an angel on your side."

Or a dead man hiding in my reflection.

The thing that gets to me most is the knowledge I was so close to getting something there only for that monster to come out and leave me like this. Wait- Yuri! He's got to be somewhere? I crane my head ignoring most of the medical speech as I look for anything reflective but there aren't any windows or anything I can get a clear image on. "Hey, can ya bring me a mirror or something I can see myself in?"

"Oh, sure. Just give me a moment." The doctor came back a few minutes with a handheld mirror and I did my best to pretend it was my bandaged face I cared about. I still can't believe I actually dug out my own eyeball.

Who knew I had the balls for that kinda shit? I keep glancing and checking my face until the doctor leaves with no results in till finally my voice comes out on its own, "Thank god. I thought he was gonna spend all day on that bedside manner crap."

My reflection hasn't changed and neither really has my expression but the longer I look the more I feel like this isn't my face staring back at me. It is but not in the same way it should. When you look in a mirror no matter what your thinking and feeling there is always a hint of emptiness in the eyes that leaks through- the knowledge that you can't look away from your face to see the rest of the reflection without losing track of yourself completely. That feeling that settles in where you wonder if that is you. Truly, truly you.

This is a stranger with my face and I know it because I can't imagine my face sitting with this kind of pout or my eyes having this disdain and annoyance- well I can but it doesn't seem to be the sort I would let settle on my face. "Yuri?"

"Still here. Sort of," the reflection scratches below my chin and it's then I see my free hand moving in the gesture. "I can't explain it."

"Please try. How are ya even doing this?"

The reflection- well it probably be best to just call them Yuri since that's who they seem to be- shrugged, "I really don't know. I can barely remember what I was doing before I ended up… wherever this is."

"Ya know you're in a mirror at least right?"

"Well, yes, but I don't actually know why I'm here or why I was in that cave at all. I know it told me that if I tried anything that it would do some awful shit to me and I tried really hard to say something- god its all getting fuzzy again. I know I'm dead. I at least remember that but I can't remember anything else or what I'm doing in your reflection or why I can't see myself anymore."

"Hold on buddy what do ya mean by that?" I said. God his face, my face, looks so distraught as he lightly touches over the bandaged eye and the curves of my face.

"This isn't my face. These aren't my hands and my voice is gone. It's so dark here and nobody else sees me or hears me when I try to reach them. I'm just stuck in some void looking in through reflections and… I can't even explain it. It's fucking insane but I don't have a body."

I blinked, "Well, yeah you're dead."

"No, I mean I mean I just morph into whatever reflection happens to be around. I tried to get out using the monsters until that thing ate them and I kept losing track of what I looked like. What- what my voice sounds like. What fucking day is it even? How long have I been dead?"

"How about we get you caught up and then you tell me what you know?" A nod.

I explained to Yuri what has been happening since he's been dead and how I ended up at the cave in the first place. Seems to be that he hasn't been experiencing time and thought he'd only been dead a few days at most rather than months. He asks a lot about the guild and names I don't even know or if I did I forgot shortly after the case ended.

The man left a lot of people behind that day and they never stopped looking hollowed out by the knowledge that Yuri Lowell was dead. Isn't that hell? The real hell that dying is supposed to inflict on a person isn't some torture by fire but the knowledge of how your death has hurt everyone around you. How they mourn and are drained by this new fact that a person they cared so much about is never coming back again.

Elaine.

When she died the whole house got so cold and Mom never smiled the same way ever again. It was always with this heavy weight like she was trying not to run off into the sunset and past the barrier. Always like she'd leave us and never come back unless she got to play dress up or house where Elaine was there again.

There staring back in the mirror as she stuck me in Elaine's old dresses whispering how people would have thought the two of us were twins with how much we looked alike. I think that's about when I first started studying magic. When I first… "What is this thing we're fighting? You mentioned it eating monsters and shit but what does that mean? What is it? How the fuck do we stop it?"

Silence. Long silence as Yuri stares back with my face cold and grave, "You ever look in the mirror and just think horrible shit? Nothing you would ever do but like those dark impulses that pop in your brain every now in the. Like, wouldn't it be better if I just killed them?"

"Or I could pour this molten steel over my body?" Or eat your pet dog. Or sing until your voice gives way.

"Right. You don't mean any of it and hell you're not even sure why you thought it most times but it's there. Now imagine that thing is there listening and whispering at you till one day you feel it touching and pulling your skin. It's fine until all of a sudden wherever that thing is it tries to control you and bit by bit you can't feel anything or see or here."

"There's nothing and suddenly you realize that thing is controlling your body… eating at your memories until…"

Tears. Tears pouring down. "I can't remember anything but the last three years. I can't! I kept trying to pretend it was nothing but even before I knew I was forgetting things but they were so minor that I didn't do or think anything about it and now- "

I screamed. I screamed with a grief that was not my own with a pitch I couldn't comprehend.

"I want my fucking life back! I want this thing whatever the fuck it is dead or buried in a hole!"

It suddenly made sense to me why and how Yuri Lowell had been able to mutter such dark secrets and disturbed things at the staff. Why towards the end Alex had started to become flighty and forgetful. "Hey, Yuri why did you kill yourself?"

"Because- 'cause- because something in my gut told me if I didn't it would eat me. I had to die before that. I had to while it was still playing."

Hyperventilating. I'm hyperventilating and I can't drop the mirror. I can't stop staring at it- I can't. Burns! Something about all of this burns and I'm struggling to see- no that's not it- I'm not- I'm in nothing. I feel nothing. "That's right. If I take this body… If I eat you…"

My head is getting groggy and my limbs numb as I stare deeper and deeper at my reflection watching that smile stretch out wide. Wide like that thing. It's hard to think and staring in that mirror I'm wondering why I'm even breathing so heavily? Instead, it slips into a laugh. A long and wonderful laugh.

This thing isn't Yuri Lowell. It can't be but it thinks it is. That's got to be it because otherwise why would my own hands be trying to choke my throat as I laugh.

"No. I'm not like this. I'm not."

"It's okay," I mutter, "We're both killers so it works out. I killed my sister. I killed her and I was ready to completely replace her. I was ready to be her but better."

Yes. That's right. I had been willing to replace Elaine. I had taken up her old hobbies, clothes, and aspirations because if I was the new Elaine it would mean that I was the better child. I was the better person. I was simply better than her and then nobody would hurt me again.

If I was the better child Dad wouldn't have a reason to touch me or Mom would have to notice I was there. If I was better than nobody would call me weak. Nobody. I stole that spot and I was proud of it. I was proud of what I was willing to do to kill Elaine for good.

"How is this any different?"

The mirror shattered on the ground and I am left gasping on the bed with the doctor finally running in. About fucking time.

I thought I was going to die there for a second.


End file.
